omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
