i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Couch. On fire.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
