Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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