I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
