so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
