new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
