....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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