WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
