If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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