I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
