I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
