Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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