she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
