good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is classic penis vs brain.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
