wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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