Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
