No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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