i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
