my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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