I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
