Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
