Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
