I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
