Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ttyl tear gas
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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