I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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