EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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