ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
