you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
