I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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