you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
