So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
