if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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