Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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