He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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