a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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