You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
