wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
