Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
