She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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