how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
