Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
