There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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