Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
