Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
