I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
