so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
