Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
