I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
