She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
