yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
