Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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