I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
