You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
