hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
